On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
