At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
