It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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