Sponge bath it is.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
