I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
