please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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