so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
