it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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