Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize