new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
