I wannas sexs uuuuu
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize