dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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