Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
