I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
