I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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