I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she smelled like a LAN party
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ttyl tear gas
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
