hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize