tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
