cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
