I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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