Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
