piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
