wake up i wanna do it froggy style
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
