he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
