why didn't you poke me back
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
