I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
