She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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