We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
