I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize