At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
