Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Someone shit on the floor
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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