to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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