I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
