I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
