Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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