im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
