Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
