this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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