why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
