I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My vagina is officially offended.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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