My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
