just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
In America we eat man semen.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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