is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize