i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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