you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
