there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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