I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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