I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
