PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
