I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
