last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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