Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
