this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
