Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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