What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
