I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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