I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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