I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am available for nakedness
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
