Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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