Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
