Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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