If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
my poor anus
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
