Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
