I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize