I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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