just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
