I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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