i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
