she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You are a genius and a whore.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
