I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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