I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
