Three words: puerto rican gang bang
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
