i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
