When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its not stalking. its research.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
