Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize