I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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