Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
