I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she looked like the before picture.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we're making bets on your personal life
cat food counts as protein by the way
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
