we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
