Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
