I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize