I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
