i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
