watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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