I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My balls are so social today.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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