did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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