I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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