I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
