my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
