i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
