Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
