just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
