I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
