wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
