i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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