Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize