My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
