I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
barbara walters just said penis...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
