some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
