There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
