I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
