Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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